But who are you tomorrow?

So much time has passed and though that's not a bad thing, an inevitable cycle is what occurs. We've become creatures of habit, so much so, learning, knowledge, wisdom are fading to mere memories. It worries me. An ignorance filled future holds health for none. Ask not what can you do, but look within and ask what will you do. I still believe in a repairable future - hold hope even - for which I've been mocked by my own friends. Doesn't change anything, I'm never giving up. Funny thing, change, such a fickle creature - everything evolves, but our basic essence, we must remember, is our choice. Masks can be worn; facades pranced; but truth of character can not be hidden nor denied. We are who we are. When our souls are true they burn bright like a beacon.

Control

Who has it? Over any situation, what decides the outcome? Are we really as helpless as we're led to believe or do they just not want us to realize that we can steer so to speak; If only we take the initiative and reach out for the reins. We know or at least should that we can't always be right, but that doesn't mean we're wrong just because someone may think we are. In fact, control may break down into a matter of opinion. Aside from petty disputes the only other determining factor may be fate. We can only hope we shine in her favor and she remain a kind soul.

Betrayal

When you look at someone, straight in the eyes, shutters (completely) down and the perpetrator looks back; sees the honesty and the pain then lies to your face - THAT's betrayal at it's best. When they turn away with dead words and empty promises - that's betrayal at it's worse.
What kind of monster, I ask, can watch someone's hopes die, as the stars in their eyes go out KNOWING they're the catalyst.

Look Deeper

You think you know me
but have no idea
you think you're inside my head
but it's me you fear
you can't get close
so you back away
and all I wish
is that you'd stay.
(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Time To Slow Down

I sit and I wait
and I wonder and worry;
why all the world
is in such a hurry.
Never pausing or resting,
but racing and running
no time for play
or see what next is coming.
If people just stopped,
took time to breath,
then those who surround us
perhaps wouldn't up and leave.
I'm different now
then I was back then
seeing life through new eyes
remembering all that's been:
And I sit and I wait
and I wonder and worry;
why all the world
is in such a hurry.
(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Elusive Love

Silent teardrops she slowly cried
never getting to say good-bye
into the wind she threw her smile
knowing she'd be without it awhile.
Why does the world pick on her as it does
is it just that she's not destined for love?
For every time that she falls,
she loses building higher walls.
Is there a place for her within a heart-
or from this world will she alone depart?
Heart ripped out once more
broken pieces litter the floor
love bites and bleeds
devil spawns the seed
so the perfect two
she and he
will never be
good-bye on sea
waves carry him away
aloha night and day.
Into the sunset just out of her reach
away from the dawn, but her wish beseeched;
"Please do not forget me, my one true love."
In time they'll meet again in the clouds above.
(c)Mary Irene Cousino

She's Everywhere

(Revised/extended Version last edited 4/12/02 for my senior creative writing project.)

The rhythm of the rivers.

the rustle of the trees,

the rainbow overhead,

the sunshine and the breeze.

The rose in its bloom

the stars shining bright,

the grass on the ground,

nighttime's moonlight.

The butterfly fluttering past,

the bees buzzing by,

the sand at the beach,

the birds in the sky.

The waves on the water,

the wind's gentle breeze,

the summer warmth,

the winter freeze.

The leaves changing color,

the water in the brook,

the rock on the ground,

nature everywhere you look.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Pay Attention

I've seen a flower blooming

seen a river dance

heard the birds a-chirpin'

watched the fire ants.

I've seen the sun a-settin'

watched a blue moon rise

heard the wind a-blowin'

watched the starry skies

I've seen a miracle growing

seen a miracle die

heard the grass give a whistle

watched with my eyes.

I've seen the difference people make

seen people come and go

heard the way things happened

watched while nature glowed.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Picturesque

Looking up I see the sunlight

see the trees and watch the skies

looking down I see the water

see the grass and yellow eyes.

Looking out I see the essence

see the world and take it in

looking at the mobile picture

of the Earth and all her kin.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Shattered Rubble

It's all these inexplicable feelings

jumbled like a rockslide within

making me shift through unwanted memories

torturous times I'd spent with him.

The one who for the longest time

I had thought to be the one

but once again I'm left empty

he held the trigger, shot the gun.

The bullet pierced perfectly,

embedded in the center of my heart

breaking in down the middle in two,

two spearate pieces where my life's torn apart.

Half of me dying, half left aching

for you to return, remain by my side

even as I realize you're not worth

all the tears you've made me cry.

Yet I'm still here; arms outstretched

my bleeding heart held in my hands,

warm blood dripping away what used to be

but now we live on separate lands.

Seeking for unsticking glue

to patch the voids you've left behind

wandering around like an unseeing zombie

trying to erase your part of my mind.

So that no longer would I remain tainted

or having to shuffle through irksome debris

and finally be able to brush you away

clearing the path for me to be freed.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Depression

She sits and cries

and stares at walls

loved by so few

if not at all.

How she shines

she doesn't see

ignores her friends

'just leave me be'.

Such a diamond

so very rough

'come and shine me

I need your touch'.

Her silent plea

not heard at all

into her trap

she fall, fall, falls.

She turns away

from the very few

and oh how many

if only she knew.

But she runs and hides

craving to be free,

convinced that love

will never be.

Again she stumbles

she can't be whole

so sure that she's crumbling,

losing control.

Strong arms reach to steady

but she just can't see

blinded by

her uncertainty.

What to do

for this lost soul

how to help her

reach her goal;

while she won't ask

for help to come

realizing she's

so very numb.

We lend a hand

but she pulls back

from a distance,

witness her crack.

Her tears stain down

once rosy cheeks

her eyes, well -

they leak, leak, leak.

Banished away

only can we hope

she somehow find

a way to cope.

The sun is setting

she looks to the west

a final tear falls

with the sun's golden crest.

She heaves a deep sigh

as she studies the stars

finally allowing

her pain to be ours.

Together we work through

all that has passed

and the girl so alone

has found love at last.

What's Left Unquestioned

He sees her standing

in the rain

symbolizing

all his pain.

The loneliness

his heart has sheltered;

his hollowness

the helter-skelter.

The turmoil

in his veins

very slowly

going insane.

Yet he looks again

and sees her smile

wondering

all the while.

Couldn't fathom

the beauty there

so our of sync

with her blank stare.

Their eyes meet

he can't help but ask,

she replies-

"it's simply a mask."

He ponders still

in deep confusion

if this is all

simply delusion.

As he turns

to walk away

she grabs his arm

"I've something to say.

Things are not always

as they seem

you'll soon learn

what I mean."

He then vowed

of the message sent

that he would know

what it meant.

In days that followed

he noticed anew

of how things worked,

changed and grew.

Alone again

in the rain

she returns

he feels sane.

"Instead of looking

you've learned to see,

when you listened,

you heard me.

For here is the place

I've always been

and I'm sure we'll meet

someday again."

This time he watched

as she faded away

into the moving

mist of gray,

watched as she rose

to heaven above

renewing his heart

with unquestioned love.

In his time of need

an angel was sent

he understood now,

his head bent.

"Lord I didn't ask,

but you saved my life,

thank you for ending

my pain and my strife."

With that he turned

and walked away

looking forward to

another day.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

One Voice

Another day

another lie,

but time keeps passing

by and by.

Every second

of everyday

another screw up

along the way.

Why can't things

just go as planned

why must we walk on

uneven land.

Why can't life

for once be fair

why are we punished

for all that we care.

Goodness lies within

one and all it's true

so why are we being punished

for the few bad things some people do.

I don't think anyone really means

to truly cause another's pain

this life is getting ridiculous

what happened to the rules of the game.

Rules are meant to be broken

I agree that this is true,

thought not meant to be used against us all

everyone, me, you.

I mean what are we supposed to do

when the entire world stops making sense

how are we supposed to cope

when there's no such thing as innocence.

Society has taken away

our choices we hold dear

yet instead of using our voices

we shy away in fear.

When we start letting people

those we do not know

start making our decision

where's the room to grow.

We can no longer be ourselves

as stereotypes define

so why are we allowing this

this is our place and time.

The past is far behind us

the future's all but gone

the only thing we have is now

between sunset and dawn.

Start making your own choices

stand up for what's inside

how are we to live our lives

if we just sit around and hide.

I'm speaking up

I'm speaking

no more room

for any doubt

and now I see

what must be done

and I hope there's a chance

if even just one.

Alone I'm one voice

and true that's all it takes

thought when we stand together

ruckus we usually make

and this our chance

to stand up and fight

for what we know in our hearts

is truly right.

Maybe I'll stand alone

know that I'm doing it for you

and no matter who you are

you're always welcome too.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

I'm Done Running

This wasn't supposed to happen

I didn't mean to fall

and now that it's developing

I've succumb unto it all.

Coz I never thought I'd find someone

who'd want to muddle through

who'd take my hand and walk beside me

as closer our romance grew.

When I'm upset your strong arms chase

my demons far away

and I don't fear their return

when by my side you say.

And now forevermore I think

I'll always be able to run

not away but straight to you

coz my heart says you're the one.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Who'd Have Thought

It's funny, but it's scary

these feelings that I hide

because it's unquestioned and pure

the love I hold inside.

I always say I'll wait coz I wanna play it safe

but you are different from the rest

when I look into your eyes I fall deeper and deeper

as my heart is fluttering in my chest

It's something new, it's something raw

that my body can't seem to deny

I'm pretty sure I've felt my soul

as in your arms I'd lie.

I know I always had a soul

but it was searching true

for a mate to share eternity

and darling, that'd be you.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Clouded Reflection

You gaze into the mirror

where I see the misplaced pain

that you can't see the beauty there

is a crime, such a shame.

The feelings surge on deeper

running through your veins

the very notion laughable

I wonder if you're sane.

How could you think you're not enough

so obvious in everything you do

your mind and soul laid naked, bare

and your passion shining through.

My soul couldn't bear it

if you spoke words so untrue

for as long as I exist

how could I NOT love you?

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

A Past Unveiled

Replaced again

she crawls within

no longer comfortable in her own skin.

They paint her black

behind her back

wanting to run away, she quietly packs.

No longer knowing

truth from lie

she sets her eyes upon the sky.

A silent question

a new cord struck-

can she wade through all this muck;

Make that decision?

Show her hand?

Finally take a stand?

Lips shut tight

eyes firmly closed

a new idea has now arose:

Perhaps not she

but them in facet

are the one's who truly lack-

self-esteem,

confidence, love,

so they turn to her and shove,

that emptiness

and a burden true

so unsure what she should do.

Underestimated by

their greedy hearts

left alone, she departs.

No longer lonely,

for you see

that girl: ended up as me.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Starting Anew

I wish for once I'd get it right

so the pain could fade away

but as I look towards the dawn

I'm consumed by shades of gray.

I try to be simply me

but through your distorted view

all I see, a part of me,

someone I never knew.

I tried to change to someone else

stupid as it may sound

yet through your deceptive mind games

the true me is who I found.

Someone stronger than I assumed

could come from deep within

no afraid to say good-bye

so wipe off that winning grin.

I've moved on and I've moved up

no longer needing your fake embrace

thought I couldn't live without you

and now you've fallen from my grace.

Now as the mist unfolding

with the sunlight setting in

I relish in the memories

that'll never live again.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

An Honest Wish

A waste of yesterday

yet a dream still borne

you can't move forward

so full of scorn.

Making up lies

playing pretend

because you can't let the drama

come to an end.

Knowing all I want

is actions to cease

to stop being attacked

rest at peace.

But I can't have that

you've made sure

betraying, conning,

passing off as pure.

Yet I feel sick inside for you

how twisted your soul

must be mangled

losing all control.

And your heart

now made of ice

does it remember

how to play nice?

So I'm moving on

as I realize there's no hope

for those who'd relish in misery

rather than cope.

But as the better person

I have a wish that resides

from deep down within me

I hold it inside.

For you to find clarity

not be clouded by hate

so when judgment day comes

it won't be too late.

For you to find happiness

maybe some class

and move on with your lives

is all that I ask.

With that said

let my mind be cleared

of all the distortion

I hope you'll be spared.

Now from here on in

I live for me

and the true friends I love

found, finally.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Imaginary Escape

I wish I were a mermaid

I'd swim the ocean blue

frolicking with dolphins

always something new.

If just to escape reality

for once to be at peace

'cause sharks are better than terrorists

and my worries could finally cease.

Living in the world today

with nothing making sense

I think about the good times

as I notice their absence.

It's no longer safe to live

worry and carefree

everything's so serious

no room to grow or be.

That's why I hide alone

away from the outside

because I know that's the one place

that isn't occupied.

So I'll dive into the depths

and explore the fathoms below

on many adventures yet to come

deep breath now here I go.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Underlying

I wonder in the days gone past

how many things have changed

for as often as we blink

the world is rearranged.

One day we are born

one day we shall die

there's peace then there's war

because we don't see eye to eye.

Yet the answer is so simple

right there for all of us to see

the beauty's in our differences

so come enjoy life with me!

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Summer Revelation

I traveled to the beach one day

to swim upon the sea

but climbing rocks was the only thing

that appealed to me.

While high above the world I realized

as I was looking out

one can never know the distance

of a smile or a pout.

I gazed down on the faces

of people gathered on the sand

and noticed one thing for certain

missing from the land.

Happiness seemed imminent

harmony and peace

no one really quite the same

difference increased

but not one among those many

was looking for a fight

kindness ruled that day of wonder

and joy in all its might.

Hope reigned through on that occasion

that one day there will be

no more need for violence

because people are beginning to see.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Giving Up, Giving In

No one sees the tears I'm crying

because no one knows where I hide

to where the waterfall's always flowing

as the river swells inside.

Silently I sit and wait

no one looks past the artificial grin

but if you cared and pried inside

you'd find the vast ocean within.

Where every time that I've been hurt

I have let the build up grow

but I've masked it so long, so well,

so that none of you will ever know.

I've always kept my own inside me

dealt alone never reached out

but now the cascade's overflowing

brimming my eyelids, my lips start to pout.

Suddenly the tears won't stop falling

I've failed for now you see the truth

a silent well of human emotion

sad red eyes to bear the proof.

I don't know what's happening

as I slip further in and out

down a spiral of self hatred

holding the trigger to end my doubt.

Then painfully the tears turn red

the razor's sharp but the pain is gone

then a knife held at my heart

my final breath is slowly drawn.

The pills I swallow one by one

in case the knife fails its task

and I say good-bye to you now

as this creation is now my last.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Oblivion

I need to clear my head and lose myself

just to disappear

in this world I can't exist

my soul is barren, bare.

I no longer feel a part of

but a stand off from the whole

wanting to fade far, far away

to a place where no one knows.

The pain so sharp I'm dying slow

the light they speak of it doesn't show

and in this final moment I know

it's time for me to just let go.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Devastation

I'm falling, spiraling out of control

down the never ending rabbit hole.

A hand up is what I need

shoved back down by hidden greed.

Tried my hardest yet still I failed

left alone to face this torture, everyone else bailed.

I've nothing left to give, everything's been taken

eyes wide open to my brutal reawakening.

You'd think the pain'd be cause enough to cry

but a past used to unfulfillment leaves eyes dry.

The realization of dreams that'll never come to be

of misjudgment, second chances, wasted, by me.

Here I am to face the music of my choices

a screeching cacophony of off-key voices.

Still, no regrets, there has to be a reason

see, yet to come, healing too will have its season.

For now I have to face the darkness

riddled through with hate

I'll turn once again with blind faith

believing in the hands of fate.

Existing in this moment almost to much to bear

all valor's been emptied, leaving stark fear.

This is the end surly it could not get worse

what you'd bill as a gift, I experience its curse.

Never receding, this deepening gloom

wondering, waiting, if hope is to bloom.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Barren

There's no more tears left inside
as pity burns away the lies
misery wallowing in my abandoned core
with no more options to explore
the time has come to fold my hand
on my feet no longer can I land
this hurt it goes way down so deep
into my very blood it seeps
my heart no longer unaffected
has become a burden now infected
blackening slowly, becoming stone
I desert this life to be alone
turning away I expose my back
towards all emotions that now I lack
so now it is I take my leave
into non-existence I thread my weave.
(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Colorless

So long I've traveled with so much lost
deceived by sacrifices not worth their cost.
The battles' fought are left unwon
the allies joined have been undone.
Abandoned have been the reasons for trying
forsaken memories have left me dying.
No knowledge from challenges was to be gained
broken promises now have left me maimed.
A forgotten meaning to searching's become
a worthless loss to overcome.
Of no importance does love remain
a terrible haunting of essence the same.
(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Ignorance

Alone in my head the thoughts still stir
of what it is I'm supposed to be
of where it is I could've possibly come
and through whose eyes in which I see.
I've puzzled much o'er the life I live
wondered what was left to find
if they're still worth searching for,
all the memories left behind.
And then again I ponder still
on what was left for us to learn
from which we grew among each other
yet still we'd watch one another burn.
The teacher's failed, the past's forgotten
we seek for truth that never was
all chance for harmony has been forsaken
but life lives on as it always does.
(c)Mary Irene Cousino

The Wanderer

I see her walking down the road

the path laid out for her

she no longer knows where to turn

as images begin to slur.

And still she walks it faithfully

unknowing where it leads

from dawn through dusk she doesn't stop

does not take time to heed.

So that in her journey's travels

she can take time to preserve

all the lessons come her way

all the blessings undeserved.

But still onward she travels

not fearing which will comes

hoping through tomorrow

for today's unborn sun.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Walking Forward

So onward still I travel

not bothering to look behind

it's time the past must be left

because there's a journey still to find.

The road that I must travel

which presently I walk

changes as the wind doth blow

as waves crash amongst the rocks.

The minds' unconscious choices

deciding fates next steps

leading my endless wandering

along the path unkempt.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Crossed Paths

Stolen was the path

the one I thought was mine

but by my side walked other

who also wished to find

the future of their journeys

the destinations in their minds.

Not knowing where to step

or with which wind to change

shifting in their decisions

as fate is rearranged

and creating all new travels

on roads not yet arranged.

Deep in our lives choices

where true destiny awaits

even as we define ourselves

through all that we debate

we are all still walking

the life that we create.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Release

They tell you to keep your chin up

and smile,

but how are you even supposed to lie

when nothing's worthwhile?

The people you thought who loved you

all playing their little games

and now that you know the truth:

Everything's supposed to stay the same?

It's NOT the world we live in

but the choices people make

destroying all the good things left,

replacing them with hate.

And now with shattered insides

they expect you to pretend

coz in reality no one gives a shit,

just wanting it to end.

They wonder what they could've done

standing around, feigning trying to be brave

not ONE of them acknowledging

THEY put you in that grave.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

The Unforgiven

It's sad, that you would judge me,

a pal you might've had

instead you chose to ridicule

it's really just too bad.

Now you'll never see me

for who I am inside

is someone that you'll never know,

if only you had tried.

What is it that repelled you?

There's many things to choose,

yet for everything that's wrong with me

it you here who will lose.

For what's lacking on the outside

is made up for deep within

in a heart that burns with so much love

you could be there, my almost friend.

It's a shame your eyes seek only

shortcomings by the mile

and your beautiful face be marred

by such an unforgiving smile.

We each go now our separate ways

and you won't spare a glance

as I swallow the tears I've never cried

at another stolen chance.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Eagle Tears

How 'bout that one final stand;

you know, us working together?

Trying to bring peace and unity

back to a nation so severed.

It used to be that we were the ones

people could turn to for hope,

yet now our own kids are starving in the streets

and politics just doesn't want to cope.

There was once we stood proud, and tall

but now we bow our heads, ashamed,

the future isn't looking any brighter

as everyone's trying to pass on the blame.

Now the question as ever remains

where should we continue on from here

once, such a strong people

consumed now, but our own fear.

This nightmare brought on by selfishness

finding ourselves eclipsed by hate

wondering now about dreams forsaken

and praying, maybe one day, it won't be too late.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Tremors

I've written all that I can write

yet I do not choose to end my plight

step by mile my feet will walk

word my letter my pen will talk.

Every thought is worth an inking

every emotion has got me thinking

it is here my battle scars do show

visible only to those who know'

between the lines are meanings deep

into souls it slowly seeps

a life fulfilled both love and pain

fighting for survival grain by gain.

And so I leave for you to guess

how it is I handle stress

and as I leave creation's behind

be sure not just to read line by line.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Backstabber

You and your evilness

rotten to your core

how can they not see the taint

you've left on all before?

The lies spewn forth

by your evil tongue

all the lives you've ruined

and the harmonies you've undone.

How you've not been caught,

don't walk around in shame,

perplexes me the most

just as how you place your blame.

Yet you know what you do

and you know who you are

your cruelty and your hatred

spreading out so far.

SO I can't understand

how with that black mass inside your chest

you can go around pretending to be everybody's friend

while shitting on the rest.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

What's To Come?

There are whispering's that I've stepped into the darkness,

turned my back on all that's light;

when merely I've become a realist,

and decided to embrace the night.

Shadows don't equate to evil

that which shines is not always true

as perspectives are warped by illusion

you need only look inside of you.

The silent battle always raging

the spectrum widens of right and wrong

let your spirit free to guide your choice

listen for the ancient music, hear the sacred song.

Allow moon and stars to restore

lying softly beneath their loving glow

commune with nature all around you

and soon, hopefully, we'll come to know.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Poetry In Verse

Something new is needed

and true it will be raw

so I step up to the board

hoist my pen and draw.

The shapes I make are letters

in stanzas that all rhyme

my muse she beats the harmony

my job to keep the time.

The melody is woven

with gentle careful care

so that within the lyrics

the music you can hear.

No instrument is needed

the song is heard within

so that if you stop or falter

you'll find it once again.

For it will keep playing strong

so that if you forget your part

you'll never have to worry

as it lives inside your heart.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Where Do We Go From Here?

Somewhere in the days that follow

or perhaps in dreams left behind

are the elusive answers to our questions

the lost rhythm and its rhyme.

For you see there is no reason

behind the horrors of today

just boys with their toys

who think it's fun to play.

The battle's never over

and the war is all but won

blinded by our difference

separated we've become.

And now we face the music

the circumstance of hate

we try to deal with consequence

but it was always way too late.

(c)Mary Irene Cousino

Mind Placement

Where do I belong forever,

is there a right place and time,

or will everything fall in together,

with the rhythm and the rhyme?

I often wonder where life might lead,

in that one second which you blink;

if everything around you changed,

leaving you no time to think.

If you were left with one last choice,

where your path might lead;

would you take that chance for granted,

or plant your final seed?

(c) Mary Irene Cousino