because no one knows where I hide
to where the waterfall's always flowing
as the river swells inside.
Silently I sit and wait
no one looks past the artificial grin
but if you cared and pried inside
you'd find the vast ocean within.
Where every time that I've been hurt
I have let the build up grow
but I've masked it so long, so well,
so that none of you will ever know.
I've always kept my own inside me
dealt alone never reached out
but now the cascade's overflowing
brimming my eyelids, my lips start to pout.
Suddenly the tears won't stop falling
I've failed for now you see the truth
a silent well of human emotion
sad red eyes to bear the proof.
I don't know what's happening
as I slip further in and out
down a spiral of self hatred
holding the trigger to end my doubt.
Then painfully the tears turn red
the razor's sharp but the pain is gone
then a knife held at my heart
my final breath is slowly drawn.
The pills I swallow one by one
in case the knife fails its task
and I say good-bye to you now
as this creation is now my last.
(c)Mary Irene Cousino
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